Sunday, August 31, 2014

Simmer Down, Settle In

I realize that I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I spew music recommendations like no body's business, but when someone tells me to check out a band (unless they are someone like Samantha who has never failed me) I tend to ignore it.
For some reason it means more to me when I find a band all on my own, rather than having it shown to me. Is that just me? Probably.

Anyway, I'm going to continue with my blatant hypocrisy and recommend another artist to y'all.
But this one is a different. This singer is very close to my heart, and I love her new album more than I can say. So if there is one music recommendation that you listen to from this blog, let it be this one.

Meet Cold Specks.

Cold Specks is a singer out of Montreal (where I used to live, by the by) whose music I stumbled upon last winter. Since then, I have fallen hopelessly in love with her first album, "I Predict a Graceful Expulsion."

I have a hard time classifying her music, so I will steal what wikipedia has to say:

"Her musical style can be described as doom soul, and shows the influence of American deep south gospel with a strong goth streak."

(I'm not sure what that entails, but it sounds hella rad to me.) 

I would simply describe her music as "perfect." It is so emotional, and every chord hits you with such intensity that you can't help but wonder if she's even a human being. And her lyrics.... My word, there is nothing that could make them any better.

Plus, Al Spx (her real name, which is really cool) is possibly the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. From the interviews I've seen, she is a very shy person. But when she sings....oh my god. 

She just stands there, looking at her feet, letting loose this voice that reaches right inside you and makes you shiver for no explicable reason. It's like she's singing straight from her soul into yours. I know it sounds horribly silly, but that's the only way I can describe it.

So before I get to the main point of this post, lets recap what I've gone over so far:
Cold Specks is a goddess. 

Are we all on the same page? Cool. Now I can say what I came here to say:

She released a new album on Thursday. 

Most of the time I am at a loss for words when I talk about music, but this album is a strange exception. Each song floods my mind with descriptions.

The overall sound is dark, and every note is as clear as a bell. Even when there are lots of different elements to the songs it never sounds muddled.

It's powerful. Unlike her last album, this one features a plethora of instruments that give the songs a certain depth.

The lyrics are phenomenal. I cried when I heard "A Season Of Doubt" for the first time.

She builds up the tension so carefully in each song, making you feel like you're standing on the edge of a cliff. Then she eases it back down, leaving you with a feeling of utter perfection.

Even though it's only been out for a few days, this album has already become one of my favorites. I can tell it's going to be the perfect soundtrack to fall, and I can hardly wait to go on long midnight strolls with this on my ipod. Maybe through a graveyard. Who knows?

So there you have it- Cold Specks. I'm all out of words. Just ahhhhhhhhhhhhhfhdjkfsdlf.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Standing Up and Facing Those Fears

Hello internet. It's me, Maggie.
You might not remember me. It has been a while.

But now I'm back, and it's due time for me to write something.
It's time for me to stop running from my thoughts and actually do something about my situation.


...Wow, sorry. I got excited.
Let's back up a tad:

So I was in Canada for the past few weeks. This was great and amazing and wonderful, but I don't feel like talking about it. So I won't.

What I will talk about is not talking about things. 

Wow, okay. I need to phrase this better:

What I'm sucking at saying is that I suck at confronting people. Whether I'm sharing some unfortunate news or expressing a problem I have with a person, I'm so afraid of upsetting them that I frequently won't say what's on my mind. 

This has caused many problems for me, and you would really think that I would know by now to just face my problems head-on. But alas, I am a chicken.

For example:

Instead of telling my old soccer coach that I was upset about him not playing me in games, I decided to just stop showing up to practice. This would've worked fine, unless I was to see him ever again. Which I did. And he was nice about it and I felt horrible and I can never face him again without feeling like a complete asshole. I'm sure that if I said something to him he would've fixed it. I was just too scared. (To be fair, though, I did quit for many other reasons as well. I'm not that much of a jerk. I hope.)

Or, a few years back, I broke up with a guy I had been dating for 9 months because I was uncomfortable with how quickly we had been moving. I could've talked to him, but I just broke it off then and there without explanation. (Again, to be fair, there were additional reasons for breaking up with him. But you get the point.)

I could go on and on about how many times I ended up being an asshole while trying hard to not be an asshole, but it's all the same thing. And I never learned.

"No matter how many times I tell myself I have to be sincere,
 I have a hard time standing up and facing those fears."

......But wait Maggie! Didn't you just confront someone the other day? What was that all about?

(This is the part of the show where I boast about confronting people. Feel free to ignore it.)

Remember that story I just told of quitting the soccer team? I was given a second chance. That's right, I quit another soccer team! But this time I actually spoke with my coach about it. It was hard to do, but I did it. And boy, did it ever feel good to be honest about things.

And do you remember that story about not being honest with a guy? I was given (believe it or not) another second chance! It wasn't with the same guy (thank goodness) but it was in a very similar situation. Things were moving in an uncomfortable direction and I asserted myself. It was really scary. And to be honest, things are not great between us now because of it. But I did it, and I'm glad. 

So maybe I am learning. Who knows?

I just wish there was an easier way to go about these types of things. I bet power rangers never had these problems.

I think I'll be red ranger from now on.

P.S. My BFF Samantha just started a blog! She's fantastic and I love her. Check it out here.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Empty Lanes, Empty Streets- The Sun Goes Down Alone

Hello! This will be my last post for a few weeks, as I will be in Canada until the end of time (or summer, I guess).

So basically I am lousy excuse for a blogger, writing a lousy excuse for my blog. Woot woot.

I took a long walk around my town this morning and realized how out of touch I've been with my surroundings of late. I've been listening to strange music and reading weird books, trying to forget that I live in such a normal place.

But then I remembered that this hot, lazy town has something to offer as it is- peace. It is so relaxing to just stroll aimlessly through the winding alleyways and dirt roads in Butte.

So I made this playlist of songs that remind me of a Montana summer (don't worry, I did not put any country on it. Eww.)

Enjoy, and I'll see all you pretty things in a few weeks!

Thursday, August 7, 2014

A River Don't Stop To Breathe

I'm sure everyone on this Earth has thought the same thing- how wildly fast time is flying lately. It seems like with every passing day time gets going a little faster and faster and before long we are left sprinting, trying desperately to catch up with it. We are all trying to capture our time and press it like flowers in a book. We seal up our days in journals and photos and drawings so that we can remind ourselves that we were there. That we were living, and we created something with our time that runs like water through our desperately clutching fingers. 

Like all people chewing on the idea that we're going to die someday and all that fun stuff, I've spent many a late night gazing out my window and trying to grasp the fact that I'm growing up so much faster than I ever wanted. That things are going to change whether I want them to or not. That everyone I know is going to die someday. But this is nothing new- we all know these thoughts.  We push them away as soon as they get too consuming, but everyone is familiar with the depressing impact of our own mortality. Some of us fear it, some of us ignore it, and some of us get all cozy and friendly with the thought. 

I'm in the latter group. I've been rolling the thought of my own death around in my brain since I was old enough to read a clock. And after a while it gets pretty comfortable. There's a little niche in my mind where all these thoughts fit in, and they've finally begun to lose their sting (mostly).
This way, I can analyze deeper into the way time flows without being crushed by the looming shadow of fear (again, mostly).

And after hearing for the bajillionth time how "quickly summer is going!" and the likes, I've decided to share some of my thoughts on the matter. I might make you uncomfortable, but I think it's important to think about what we don't necessarily want to.

First, I want to address the fact that time flies faster and faster with each passing day. 
We've all noticed this. I've developed many theories on the matter, which I'm sure were thought many times before me, but I've yet to come across them from anyone else. One of them goes like this:

To a baby who has been alive for one day, one day is 100% of their life.

To the same baby a day later, one day has become 50% of their life.

At three days old, this baby lives 33.33% of its life in one day.

And it goes on like this exponentially decreasing into infinity, until we have lived for thousands of days and the same 24 hours becomes a tiny decimal in the scheme of our existence. This is why each day seems shorter and shorter. They are the same length, but we perceive them differently. This thought can be especially troubling if you dwell on it too long, because you realize that time is never going to slow down. It's only going to pick up pace for the rest of you life. Yikes.

One of my favorite books of all time, "Slaughterhouse-Five" by Kurt Vonnegut, talks a lot about time in general. Vonnegut looks at time from an unaffected perspective, making you realize how silly clocks and calendars really are. I'll try hard not to spoil anything, but I want to share my favorite quote from the book:
"The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore* was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist. The Tralfamadorians can look at all the different moments just that way we can look at a stretch of the Rocky Mountains, for instance. They can see how permanent all the moments are, and they can look at any moment that interests them. It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever.When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in a bad condition in that particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself hear that somebody is dead, I simply shrug and say what the Tralfamadorians say about dead people, which is "so it goes.” "
*"Tralfamadore" is a planet where the main character, Billy Pilgrim, lived after getting abducted by Tralfamadorians in the middle of the night. 

I'll leave ya'll to chew on this for a while.
Also, to read that book! It will very probably change your life.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Bedroom Tour Yayyyy

Like every angsty teen out there, my bedroom has become my sanctuary. Let me tell you, it has seen many different makeovers (Like, at one point I had twilight posters on my ceiling and walls. Yikes).
Today I gave it a new makeover, for the first time in a while. So here it is- my little home of 4 years, in all its glory. 

(Accompanied by this fantastic song, which has been my soundtrack for the past few days)

So this is the first view of my bedroom. The shelves are really nice for organizing, although they take up so much room. 

 I have this start of a new wall collage going, but it's not very big yet...

.....But that doesn't matter because it features this amazing portrait of a cat x-ray done by the one and only Andy. 

I have a collection of photos of all my biggest idols next to my desk:

Crappy lighting, but here you can (kind of) see my other wall collage above my bed:

I've mentioned it here before, but I obsessively collect thing on my window sills. Here are a few pictures of this:

 Boring old bedside table. I'm going to deck it out somehow, but I'm not sure quite yet what I'll do.

A full view of my room from this side....

....and *shazam* this side!
Here you will see my record player, violin stand, band posters, and my weird collection of things that I like to look at:

 It looks like I didn't take any other photos (it's too dark to take more now) so I guess this will do!
So now you know what my bedroom looks like. (The more you knowww!)

Thursday, July 31, 2014

And I Hated Mellow Pink Dewdrops

Today, while thumbing through some of my mom's old poetry books, I stumbled upon this poem:

"Do You Remember" by Emmett Williams 

when i loved soft pink nights

and you hated hard blue valleys
and i kissed mellow red potatoes
and you loved livid green seagulls
and i hated soft yellow dewdrops
and you kissed hard pink oysters
and i loved mellow blue nights
and you hated livid red valleys
and i kissed soft green potatoes
and you loved hard yellow seagulls
and i hated mellow pink dewdrops
and you kissed livid blue oysters
and i loved soft red nights
and you hated hard green valleys
and i kissed mellow yellow potatoes
and you loved livid pink seagulls
and i hated sort blue dewdrops
and you kissed hard red oysters
and i loved mellow green nights
and you hated livid yellow valleys
and i kissed soft pink potatoes
and you loved hard blue seagulls
and i hated mellow red dewdrops
and you kissed livid green oysters
and i loved soft yellow nights
and you hated hard pink valleys
and i kissed mellow blue potatoes
and you loved livid red sea ulls
and i hated soft green dewdrops
and you kissed hard yellow oysters
and i loved mellow pink nights
and you hated livid blue valleys
and i kissed soft red potatoes
and you loved hard green seagulls
and i hated mellow yellow dewdrops
and you kissed livid pink oysters
and i loved soft blue nights
and you hated hard red valleys
and i kissed mellow green potatoes
and you loved livid yellow seagulls
and i hated soft pink dewdrops
and you kissed hard blue oysters
and i loved mellow red nights
and you hated livid green valleys
and i kissed sort yellow potatoes
and you loved hard pink seagulls
and i hated mellow blue dewdrops
and you kissed livid red oysters
and i loved soft green nights
and you hated hard yellow valleys
and i kissed mellow pink potatoes
and you loved livid blue seagulls
and i hated soft red dewdrops
and you kissed hard green oysters
and i loved mellow yellow nights
and you hated livid pink valleys
and i kissed soft blue potatoes
and you loved hard red seagulls
and i hated mellow green dewdrops
and you kissed livid yellow oysters
and i loved soft pink nights?

It's totally weird. But something about it drew me in, and I read more of his stuff.
Turns out there's a whole group of people devoted to writing stuff like this- it's called concrete poetry. It's fascinating.

After looking at it for a long time, I figured out that this poem consists of 5 series of alternating words:


Altogether, it creates this long poem of lines that are all slightly different from each other. I don't know why, but I quite like it.

This particular poem reminds me of this song by múm:

That's all for now! Happy last day of July(:

Monday, July 28, 2014

Take a Dip in My Daydream

Running around the house, collecting pretty things to surround ourselves with.
Making tea in tiny teapots. 
Putting glitter in with the blueberries.


Cold feet. 
We stayed outside until the sky turned dark.

(Thanks for letting me take pictures of you, Samantha. You're the best)